Archive for November 28, 2012

Is the NFL the next Big Tobacco?

The 1985 Bears made me forget all the hassles of being a fifth grader. On the school field, at recess, we pretended we were Jim McMahon, Richard Dent, Walter Payton — we ripped sweaters, kicked heads and gouged eyes just like our heroes. I remember that for three straight games the Bears defense scored more points than they allowed. It was glorious. It was unbelievable. Football was a natural release from math class and thereby America’s game.

1985 is gone along with Flock of Seagulls. Now Jim McMahon is suffering the early stages of dementia and is suing the NFL.

In an elegiac piece about football violence in The New Republic, Rich Cohen quotes Terry Bradshaw. Bradshaw predicted the eventual end of football. He said if he had a son today (Bradshaw has all girls) he would not let him play the game. “The fear of them getting these head injuries … it’s just too great for me.” It’s a stunning quote since Bradshaw, as a top NFL analyst, has a continuing financial interest in the health of the NFL enterprise. It makes you wonder, as the concussion research and lawsuits pile up, how much longer will it go on?

 

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Song of the Week— Colin Munroe ft. Joell Ortiz “Piano Lessons”

Alright, so this is a little on the feel-good, cheesy tip but I’m still diggin it. Although, the video just reminds me I can never be a star cuz there are no home video recordings of me as a child.

Shout out to all the kids that quite their piano lessons.

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Holiday Depression?

Let the author of “Microwave Cooking for One” cheer you up:

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Mental Illness from Another Child Actor

Angus T. Jones aka the kid from Two and a Half Men recently found God and decided that “Two and a Half Men” is filth and pleads for you to stop watching the show and save your soul. Sadly this has happened before to child actor Kirk Cameron of “Growing Pains.” Though he didn’t plead for people to stop watching his show, from what I’ve read Kirk, like most people who find God in their teens, became really annoying. This led to making really crazy videos like this one.

You see despite the argument being silly from the get go, I’ll play along and use their logic against them by sharing this video of the proper way to open a banana. (Hint you don’t use the “pull tab”)

I’ve digressed, the important thing is to hope that Angus T. Jones will find a mental health facility that will help him manage the mental illness known as “Kirk Cameron’s Disease.” I’m pushing for it to get included in the next release of the DSM-IV

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D.R.E.A.M.- Dumbasses Rule Everything Around Me

My elections fatigue has now carried over to Black Friday/Cyber Monday.

…and the beat goes on

I’ve pretty much gotten the same email from everybody’s list I’m on that sells something. Consumer rant begin…now—

Thursday: Black Friday a day early on Thursday!
Friday: Black Friday!
Saturday: Black Friday extended
Sunday: Black Friday weekend!!!
Sunday: early Cyber Monday!
Monday: Cyber Monday!
Tuesday: Cyber Monday deals week!
Wednesday: c’mon we’re really super desperate and/or just want to keep suckering you fools.

Oh and worst, most socially irresponsible Wal-mart ad I’ve seen: woman with shopping cart ogling big ticket item, “associate” asks her if he can help load it in the cart, she responds “Oh no, I was just admiring it, I can’t afford it.” Wait for it, associate/savior says “Of course you can, just open up a brand new Wal-mart credit card!!!!” Everyone, “Yaaaaaaay!”
Did we NOT just get ourselves royally fucked from spending what we don’t have? And weren’t we all supposed to learn a big lesson?!
Don’t worry though Wal-mart will be fine, it’ll all just get blamed on OHHBAMA’s  America (very important to stress that ‘ohhh’ when saying said slur, I think it has something to do with over enlarged vocal chords on the extreme right wing, delusional, and/or rednecks.)

Over/out.

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Facebook Copyright Notices

In honor of the meme on Facebook I’m sharing the email signature that I would attach when replying to emails that came with a legal disclaimer. Feel free to use it as well.

This message (including any attachments) does NOT contain confidential information and may or may NOT have been intended for a specific individual and is most likely purposeless, yet is protected by ninja garden gnomes. If you are not the intended recipient, you should read this message as it will probably be funny and may contain juicy gossip. Any disclosure, copying, or distribution of this message, or the taking of any action based on it, is strictly allowed and encouraged.

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